how does one learn to let go?

i know it's already happening and it breaks my heart.

on weed plants, drag kings, and changes that remain the same...damn.

for 4 consecutive years now, i have been performing at the annual drag king contest in san fransisco. this year was no exception...the show is huge, one of the biggest on the west coast. joan jett has hosted the event in the past if this gives you any reference point; the nights are always chock full of events and memories. i remember two years ago stumbling in the streets with aiden and rachel....this year was a bit like then in the way that i am newly single again, and i came to the bay with the intent of snatching a peice of myself back from outer space, to feel perfect and keen, if even for 3 flashing minutes....ahhh. well what the hell. we all know how it can be.

...anyhow, in the photo above you see my friend and roomie erin sniffing a weed plant. we stayed at dennis peron's house near the castro. he is the medical marijuanna guru, does a ton of political activism in the name of legalizing weed---i dont smoke myself, but it was a 'trip' to stay here.

here i am posing under the mini golden gate bridge. obviously im trying to look like im smoking a joint. ha.

our bed was soooo nice. kind of romantic as well....but me and erin are as platonic as pie. she is like a brother to me. what a waste.

as you can see, the place was very psychodelic. there was a hot tub, but we did not use it. and there were a ton of weed smoking dudes hanging out...

here im getting ready for the show. erin and i were ill prepared for our performance, very typical of us.

finished product, mr wu her, ready to rock your knickers off.

when the day turned to night, a shit ton of black lights turned on, and glowing ensued.

oops. here i am again. just wanted to make sure you remember what i look like. (i cant figure out how to photo upload correctly...ahh...)

erin looked great! her drag name is simon bigsby. she is my young twink servant.

another nod to japan.

at the show, in this photo, fella fem, last years troupe winners. they are from the east bay.

'wham bam thank you mamn', got runner-up i believe.

dexter james. i thought he did a much better job last year. still a hottie though.

delicio del toro won first place. see that huge bulge? that was a BURRITO stuffed in there. he toook it out and threw it over the audience...rice and beans. wow.

there's the huge crowd of queers! the DNA lounge is a two story venue...so there were quite a bit of people here. this was the same weekend as homo a gogo, so it was nice to see the place was not empty.

erin and i did the punk song 'jet boy jet girl' ....we pulled it off and won 'most erection inducing.' no kidding. many people seemed to really enjoy the number. i had a sock rolled up in the crotch of my pants that came undone on stage. horrific. that's how hard we danced. ciao!

getaway, get found

yesterday a few of us headed to the bay area for erin's show at the stud. along the way we stopped near Berkeley, where behind the horse tracks there is a peninsula....and along the craggy ocean rocks there are pieces of found art. all the photos i have here are shitty but there really was some amazing stuff...will have to return here again. enjoy.

this here above was cool i swear, but it just looks like a used condom in this photo. a shame.

rachel.

fennel, right?? also there was tons of fresh wild dill growing along the path. we came at sunset, when everything was mysterious and nostalgic...but rachel mentioned if one comes during the day when the sun is out, the warmth will cause all the greenery to emit their lovely rich smells...ooozing salty air with licorice and spices...delectable.


erin probably would have been happy to hole up here for the evening. she was a tired goose all night.

so desolate...

ive been feeling pretty desolate as of late





beau thinks he has bad posture. looking good here, man.

haha

this above here looks like a pile of garbage sprayed red which it probably is, but it was also neat in real life.

windblown! i love the ocean...until next time, cheers!

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one for the history books

my birthday party was a huge success. we danced until dawn; i literally did not fall asleep until 7am...the cops never came which is highly unusual, no, fucking RIDICULOUS for our house where they know us by name and once sent a helicopter over our rooftop to tell beaumont to stop shooting his bb gun.....by the way, i cant fucking figure out for the life of me how to rearrange these photos in the proper order of events. but, here are some images to enjoy.

in the picture above we have larry rodriguez to the right and haley in the striped shirt. these two people are an institution in sacramento, i swear, and they dj'd my party. larry is a genius and he spins the shit i am always dying to hear out but never do. nowadays it's all about about electro-shock-crap. he spins the good stuff that is already decades old. music that will never die if you will. haley also. she can command a crowd and always gets people dancing. (notice i often have her dj, but never ask her to perform her MOM project. no feces in my house please!!) she has always come through for me since spinning my birthday party 4 years ago...i didn't find out until a couple years later that all of her vinyl had been stolen that night--yet she still comes back when i ask, time after time. this past party we stayed up hanging till 6 am...she had to be at taylor's market reporting for duty at 7am. girl!

here we have beaumont my neighbor whom lives across the hall from me. the girl to his left looks uncomfortable but maybe turned on by his furry chest? beau is a ham if i ever met one......nice yukata beau, sticking with the japanese theme.

lauren and i pose here in front of the house, with the black kanji symbol for 'longevity' hanging behind us. i like the angle of the folks on the porch roof. dangerous, however. 4 years ago, the night i literally moved into the house, there was a party and a kid fell from the second story to the sidewalk below. actually, let me tell it straight---he was underage, could not hold his liquor, and he JUMPED from the balcony, trying to reach the tree across the sidewalk, missed, and broke his face on the ground. afterwards, his friend, upset and belligerent, went screaming and breaking all of the car windows up and down 21st street. i was left wondering what hell-hole i had just moved into. moral of this story??---nobody in the photo behind me jumped to the sidewalk.

i like this picture. taken from my bedroom backdoor it appears.

lauren is wearing the yukata miyuki's father offered me as a gift from my time spent in mitsuke.
a yukata is not to be confused with a kimono. yukata are more casual. kimono's have millions of layers (truely about 7 or 8?) and are thousands of dollars. i've noticed many people refer to yukatas as kimonos, but it's like comparing a cotton slip dress from old navy to a valentino ball gown.

at some point the party ballooned to a couple hundred people. although i had duct taped a 'no underage' sign to the front door, a billion teenagers filtered their way in, some jumping the fence in the back. once they found out i was having people carded at the sake bar, some lost interest. others, i told to leave. my roommate erin was being a good watch dog as well. unfortunately many of my good friends left early in the evening and for this portion of the night i just felt like a security guard. it has never been about measuring the success of a party on how many people are crammed into a place...it's all about friends and peaceful gatherings. ohwell, comes with the territory.

chelsea performed. i love her. she wrote me a song too and recorded it...and made me cupcakes. what a great human being this girl is. i would not be the same without her. we also had chenelle and travis perform with their project 'these bloody kids.' i am dismayed there are no photos however. chenelle has a killer voice and travis plays a full drum kit with one hand while playing keyboard with the other. nutso. it's true, queers rock harder.

here's a hazy picture of larry spinning his magic. i was disappointed that nobody was dancing at first, but late by 2 am it was on. and, considering we danced till 5 or 6 am, hey, we put some decent hours in.

this photo is really out of order, but here we are doing the nagashi somen. (traditional japanese noodle water slide where noodles come down the bamboo and you catch the strands and eat them) it took me a week and two people helping to build the structure. it was quite the success and many curious people passing by stopped to ask questions. i wonder what the neighborhood thinks of us, always doing something different. i love it, actually.

this is not a very good picture but you can see the bamboo structure. it reached quite high, all the way to the second story porch.....i plan to have another noodle day soon, before the summer is over.......so, to sum this all up, my birthday was a success. nobody caused any major trouble, and we only had to shove one strange person out the door by force around 6 am. he had been creepy all night but we tolerated him, even shared pizza with his...but for some reason at the very end of the night he started saying "faggot this, lesbo that" so larry and michael shoved him out the door. he was swinging and clocked michael in the face but they got him out. he knocked over my bamboo structure as an afterthought to prove his anger....but whatever.

i think the days of huge parties might be behind me now...it took two weeks of careful planning to pull the night off. also, a lot of money. last year i had a masquerade party...it was amazing...aww whatever i'll just always do what i am in the mood for, i figure.

happy birthday to me.

until next year....arrigatou.

tradition

my birthday is on friday; i will become 26 years of age. things are a-changing, i can feel this in my bones. unsettled, uncertain, hopeful. im having a big party, less of a birthday party in my eyes, more of a celebration, an annual excuse if you will, of getting all the random people i love into one big tangled mess of merry making. it'll be a mess, this is for sure. organized chaos, and i would have it no other way. no blood or citations though, please.

there will be a japanese theme throughout the festivities. there will be nagashi somen (a bamboo noodle slide). I've been tinkering and hammering, sanding bamboo poles for a few days now. this was something i did in japan back in 2003 with my friend miyuki and her college friends. mount fuji was in the background, i remember it clear as day....it was very rustic, very of the earth, the water, and the freshly cut wood. (nagashi somen is very old-world japan...it represents saying goodbye. I'm saying goodbye to being 25, i figure.)

also there will be some silly things like sake bombs and whatnot...

i'm very proud of being japanese, i know this. i don't want to lose my roots. i would like to teach some of the things i know, pass on a few of the cultural aspects that i really enjoy.

the person i love most wont be here though. it's our tradition at this point.

saying gooodbye....

our dear friends monica and angela are leaving us in 4 days for the virgin islands. they have packed up all of their belongings and are saying goodbye...why? because they are crazy and in love and want to get away from us lesser human beings.....it'll only be for a year but it's always sad...i feel like a lot of my friends up and leave. i guess it's part of growing up but it will never become easier.....in the photograph above beloved monica is there to my left and steadfast angela to my right. (erin, by the way, the girl to the far left is my roommate, whom the previous blog entry was devoted to....whom decided last minute to not move out after all. way to go, turd.)

we have had many a fun night at the depot...i think monica is tired in this photo. she is tired at any point after 8 pm. she is a granny if i ever met one. a hot cool ass granny.

here we are at my home on new years...singing kareoke...BAD kareoke......this was moments before some of us went streaking pant less down the street....t'was chilly to say the least.

erin has crabs. dirty erin.

we will miss you...we will miss you so much. angela and mo, see you very soon, a virgin islands christmas!!! aruba? jamaica? banana by the bunch?

you are both very, very important to me. i love you. now fuck off already before i start to cry.

an ode to erin

this great pup, proud young radclyffe, (named after the famous lesbian writer radclyffe hall), is leaving me in a month. sob!he will run down the midnight streets after his harry potter-looking mama erin. (she is in the green jacket...)

she is my roomate and is leaving me because none of my shoes fit her big white girl feet.

plus we have way too many nights like this and she will be going to school full time soon.

look at her in all her blinding glory....one month and counting...erin, i will miss you very much...kinda, in some ways.

p.s. look-it those pale gams....and im glad that big ol bow is there.